Friday, December 24, 2010

Upset and wide awake.

I can't sleep. well I might have, if I hadn't scared Byron. I think it's been quite awhile since I've been so upset.

Screaming and yelling never did my mother any good when she was upset. I guess I tend to take after my dad. Trying to tuck my anger away.

I would really love to break something right now. Throw some dishes on the floor. Punch a hole through the wall.

I am too stressed out about everything, and feel really fragile.

Is this the feeling of being middle aged? Being worried about relationships and career choices? Wondering who I am? what do I want jn the future? Do I get too obsessive?

What did I used to want in my future? Be married. To travel the world. Own a house.

What do I want now? To be in a happy relationship. Hang out and have a good time. Play with my puppy dogs. Go curling.

Curling became a big part of my life 3 years ago. It has filled a hole that I didn't realize I was missing when I was younger. In junior high, I participated in track. I ran hurdles and jumped the high jump. there were people to socialize with that you had a common denominator with.

With curling I have that and the bit of competitiveness that I missed. Has it completely taken over my life? In a good or bad way? How do I leave the good alone and fix the bad? or is it too late?

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